"So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth." (Rev. 3:16)

"The board of absentees will meet each time a service of the church is in session. They will discuss various ways to keep attendance as low as possible. They will endeavor to see that there is no enthusiasm, and will help decrease the giving. The board will also seek to weaken the preacher's influence, and plan various ways to hinder any revival efforts or visitation programs. The board of absentees is composed of the following members. Mr. I.M. Unconcerned, Mrs. O.U. Hypocrite, Mr. and Mrs. U.R. Lazy, Mrs. C. Others, and Mr. I.M. Disgruntled." (Author Unknown)