PROPER SELF-ESTEEM

By David J. Riggs

Intro.
   A. A man paid a visit to his local psychologist. When the doctor
      asked him what had prompted his visit, the man said, "I'm
      suffering from an inferiority complex." In the ensuing weeks,   
      the psychologist put his new patient through an intensive       
      battery of tests. Next came the long wait while the tests       
      results were tabulated and evaluated. Finally, the doctor called
      the man and asked him to return to the clinic. "I have some     
      interesting news for you," the doctor began. "What's that?"     
      Asked the man. "It's no complex," the psychologist replied, "You
      are inferior."
   B. Laying all jokes aside, in this lesson we want to study         
      regarding proper self-esteem.

I. SELF-ESTEEM DEFINED.
   A. What is self-esteem? 
      1. Many people think self-esteem is an evil thing.
      2. They associate self-esteem with a lack of humility. 
         a. They would describe a person with self-esteem as one
            who is egotistical or full of pride.
            (1) This is not true. In fact, the opposite may be true.
            (2) One who has low self-esteem may try to compensate by  
                appearing to know everything and by acting in an      
                arrogant way.
   B. What then is self-esteem?
      1. It is simply how a person feels about himself.
      2. It is what a person, from within, thinks of himself.
      3. Properly evaluating oneself can be much more difficult than
         one might think.

II. THERE ARE VARIOUS TYPES OF SELF-ESTEEM.
   A. As in many things, there are extremes of self-esteem--either too
      high or too low.  Each comes with its own set of symptoms.
      1. There is the low self-esteem.
         a. Low self-esteem is the inability to feel good about
            oneself.
         b. It is often characterized by a lack of self-confidence,
            and feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. 
         c. People with low self-esteem may have trouble accepting
            compliments.
         d. They may, however, accept or even apply derogatory
            labels to themselves; e.g., "Clumsy," or "Stupid."
         e. They may feel inferior to others, become withdrawn,
            angry, or bitter.
      2. There is the high self-esteem.
         a. High self-esteem is when one thinks too highly of
            himself.
         b. It is easy for one, especially in our time, to be over-
            inflated, thinking himself to be something when he is
            nothing.
         c. Our society teaches children that they are special,
            unique, and wonderful, without teaching them the
            responsibilities which make them special, unique, and
            wonderful.
   B. A sign on a children's club house said, "No big-shots. No       
      little-shots. Everyone is neutral."
      1. There is some truth in this so far as the Christians are
         concerned.
      2. The Christian should not have low self-esteem, or high self-
         esteem, but should be neutral.

III. WHY CHRISTIANS SHOULD HAVE SELF-ESTEEM.
   A. Does it matter to God if we have a healthy self-concept? 
      1. A study of His word leads us to believe that God is
         interested in our feelings of self-worth.
      2. God created us in His image. Genesis 1:26
         a. This fact alone makes every human being worth much.
   B. Our self-esteem affects our feelings toward ourselves and       
      others.
      1. When one draws his confidence from God, he will have
         proper self-esteem.
         a. He does not see himself as perfect or great, but he
            knows he is special in God's sight.
      2. With low self-esteem, he does not view himself as God
         does.
         a. He may be full of self-pity, fear criticism, and never use
            his talents.
   C. Our self-esteem affects our home.
      1. A Christian who has proper self-esteem is more likely to
         build self-esteem among family members.
         a. Consider the worthy woman of Proverbs 31.
            (1) After describing all her qualities, it closes with
                these words - Prov. 31:28-31
   D. Our self-esteem affects our work in the Lord.
      1. A Christian with low self-esteem is less likely to get
         involved in teaching programs or participate in spiritual
         discussion with fellow Christians.
         a. He may have the ability and talent to teach or to lead
            singing, but his inferiority complex is keeping him from
            his duty.
      2. Our self-esteem affects our teaching to the lost.
         a. Christians with low self-esteem are not likely to do
            much personal work because they fear rejection. 
         b. Christians with low self-esteem may shy away from all
            religious discussions because they fear they may not be
            able to answer a question or defend their beliefs.
   E. We can see that improving our self-esteem will also improve our
      ability to serve the Lord.

IV. HOW CAN WE DEVELOP PROPER SELF-ESTEEM?
   A. We must learn to place proper emphasis on physical appearance.
      1. The world places great value on physical appearance.
      2. Many people have low self-esteem due to a perceived lack
         of attractiveness.
      3. Physical changes can make us feel better about ourselves;
         e.g. losing weight; but, a proper understanding of true      
         beauty is more important. 1 Samuel 16:7
   B. Deal with guilt in the proper way.
      1. All of us feel guilty from time to time - for sins we commit,
         for responsibilities we shirk, or we may just feel like we
         don't measure up to other Christians.
      2. Guilt can be a healthy emotion if it causes us to repent;
         however, guilt becomes a problem if we allow it to stay with
         us.
      3. Sins of which we haven't repented, or if we have repented
         but can't forget, can cause low self-esteem.
      4. Overcoming Guilt:
         a. Repent and stop sinning.
         b. Confess sins specifically.
         c. Acknowledge God's forgiveness.
         d. Learn to forgive yourself and others.
         e. Don't dwell on the past.
   C. Seek to overcome worry and fear.
      1. Anxiety and fear can make one physically sick and make
         others sick of him.
      2. These are extreme, negative emotions; and they reflect not
         only a lack of faith in ourselves, but a lack of faith in    
         God. 
      3. We conquer fear and anxiety:
         a. By meditating on God's word. Psalm 1:2-3; 119:97-105
            (1) God's word will give comfort and strength.
         b. By Praying about our anxieties and fears. Phil. 4:6-7; 1
            Pet. 5:7
         c. By counting our blessings. 1 Thess. 5:18
         d. By putting the kingdom of God first. Matt. 6:33
   D. Deal with criticism in the proper way.
      1. We may have low self-esteem because we fear the criticism
         of others.
         a. Evaluate criticism: Is it just? Is it helpful? Psalm      
            141:5; Prov. 9:8-9; Eccl. 7:5
         b. Avoid reacting emotionally; consider and discuss the
            facts.
         c. When one has proper self-esteem, criticism does not
            have the same impact as it has on the one of low self-
            esteem.
   E. Seek to be happy rather than complaining.
      1. Our society is full of murmurers and complainers.
      2. We are taught to do all things without murmuring and
         disputing. Phil. 2:14
      3. God wants us to be happy.
         a. The word "rejoice" is found 183 times in the Scriptures.
            The word "mourn" is found only 44 times. This ought
            to tell us something.
         b. There is a book entitled, "Happiness is a choice."
            Certainly, happiness is a choice. We can either choose
            to be happy or to be sad and miserable.
         c. To enjoy life is a great gift from God. Eccl. 3:12-13;
            5:18-20

Concl.
   A. What is the best way to improve our self-esteem?
   B. Only a life based on serving God will provide a lasting, real
      sense of self-worth.
      1. The Scriptures will give us a true picture of who we are,
         who we ought to be, and with God's help, who we can
         become.